Several years ago, in 2016, my family lost 3 grandmas in 4 months. My maternal grandma, my paternal grandma, and my sister-in-law’s grandma.

Grandmas rarely outlive their grandchildren, and yet it is a tragedy every time one is lost. I am so grateful for the close relationship I had with both of my grandmas and the opportunity to contribute to their care in the final years of their lives.

Often when someone dies, we are plagued by what-ifs. What if we had more time? What if they didn’t suffer so long?

Here is the interesting thing about those 3 grannies.

“Grammie” was relatively healthy and went in for a “routine” procedure on her heart. She didn’t survive the procedure. 💔

“Grannie Gail” suffered with dementia for years and had a long, drawn out descent. 💔

“Gramma Mary” was slowing down, but healthy. Then she fell and broke her hip. Her blood count couldn’t recover after the surgery. She passed away in the hospital 2 weeks later. 💔

Months later, I was reflecting on these 3 losses...one died suddenly and shockingly, one suffered a long time, and one was sudden but with time to say goodbye.

The conclusion I reached is:

It.

All.

Sucks.

No matter if you get to say goodbye, or if you don’t; if it is a shock, or a long time coming; if it ends their suffering, or comes too soon – it all seems wrong. There is no “good” way to lose a loved one.

This may seem like a discouraging message, but please don’t take it that way. Instead, use it to free yourself of “what-ifs.” Know that your terrible loss would be terrible no matter what. Focus on the good memories, and give yourself grace as you heal. ❤️